fun — August 08, 2016

The Top Ten Heroes Among Us

by Susannah McQuitty

stacked comic books

Everyone loves a good survey, am I right? I mean, what better way to spend fifteen minutes on your phone than scrolling through drop-down menus and 5-point scales? Yeah, I know. Not exactly a roller coaster ride.

But there is one thing that makes it all worth it—especially for those of us who get to sort through all that data: The random question at the end that has absolutely nothing to do with the topic.

We recently sent out a survey to our returning customers and added a question at the end: “If you were a superhero, what would your power be?” Simple enough, right?

The answers were golden, so we had to share. Here are our Top Ten.

The Opportunist

Telekinesis: To retrieve things that are too high and cheat at the tables in Vegas. I have a lot of student debt.

Minute Man

Being able to tell the exact time. (With limited power comes less responsibility and less work.)

The 10-Minute Window Warrior

Time travel. But only 5 minutes forward or back in time. So I would remember where I put my keys.

The Wheezer Wizard

Ability not to breathe because it’s a hassle.

The Empath to Peace

My super power would to be able to show someone their life through the eyes of their loved ones. If people could feel through the hearts of others how great their stories were and the positive impact we have on each other, there would be a lot less insecurity, and trust would replace the fear that runs our world.

Cape Kitten

I want to fly. I have always, always wanted to be able to fly. I hate being tied to the ground. I would be able to see so much more from up high. Second choice would be animal communication, because I am like two cats and an ugly sweater away from being a crazy cat lady.

NouGat to be Kidding Me Man

The ability to give anything a creamy nougat center. Anything. My nemesis would be an empty suit of armor.

H2Over There Now

Be able to manipulate water because I could move it to different locations so it would be useful to those in droughts, etc.

The Human Search Engine

I would want the power of omnilegence—the ability to have encyclopedic knowledge of all recorded material in existence. As a librarian, the power of omnilegence would make me amazing at my job.

The Frequent Filer at

My superpower would be giving others what they need in a click of a button. Being able to hear or see what they need and give them those items to survive.

Okay, maybe I used that last one for a shameless self-plug, but it’s not wrong! After all, filing with us online helps donate millions of gallons of water to those in need. And you don’t even need a cape! Save the world in your pjs, one tax return at a time.

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